St Martins-in-the-Field, London

In the previous post,  A Vocation Journey: meeting Br John-Francis I recalled how I had made contact with Br John-Francis, one of the members of the Society of St Francis’ vocations team. Br John-Francis had invited me to attend a Vocations Day held at St Martins-in-the-Field.

Despite  feelings of ambivalence there was stronger feeling of wanting to know more about Francis and these Franciscans I had begun to learn about. So, on the Saturday morning I headed off to St Martins to join with others who were inquiring about vocations to Franciscan religious life in the Anglican and Catholic Church - the day was jointly hosted by members of both Franciscan communities.

When I arrived I met John-Francis and the other members of the Anglican and Catholic vocations teams. We began, of course, with some time of prayer. Then the brothers and sisters shared with us stories about St Francis and their lives as Franciscans.

As I listened to them share their stories and watched a video about St Francis a particular image jogged my memory. I saw the image of a man with birds surrounding him and my mind immediately went back to my visit to the Chapel of the Holy Cross in Sedona, AZ that my friend Wendy had taken me to. Suddenly shivers went up and down my spine. It was a very eerie feeling. Not long ago I didn’t really know about St Francis or Franciscans and suddenly with a few months I had meet St Francis one two occassions; once in Sedona and now in London.

Figurine of St Francis of Assisi, Sedona, AZ.

During the day we had opportunity to spend some time looking through St Martins. I discovered a bookshop in the lower part of the Church. They had a copy of Celebrating Common Prayer a version of the Society of St Francis’ Office Book. I had come from a Church background which did not use prayer books so I found navigating this one somewhat of a challenge. However, the directions and explanations of the various Offices in the book gave me enough information to be able to learn to navigate and use the book.

At the end of the day we finished with a service of prayer for discernment of vocations. As we were leaving a remember talking to one of the ladies that had come to inquire about being a sister. I’m not sure what happened to her or any of the others, or whether any of them joined the communities they were inquiring into. Indeed as we parted I still was left with feelings of ambivalence; a theme I want to take up in the next post - A Vocation Journey: feelings of ambivalence.

Br John-Francis informed me that he would be coming to London and that he would be happy to drop by and talk to me more about Francis and the Society of St Francis. We made a time and date to meet up. A few days passed between the intial contact with Br John-Francis and the time we were to meet. By this time I developed a severe case of cold feet syndrome. The right thing to do would have been to re contact Br John-Francis and put off the meeting. Instead I did the not so right thing. I went off to the movies so that I would not be home when he arrived. Talk about taking the coward’s way out. Though I guess you make wrong decisions sometimes.

When I got back from the movies I discovered that Br John-Francis had not got the same case of cold feet that I got and had indeed kept our appointment time. He left a few booklets on the life of St Francis and the Society of St Francis. I immediately picked them up off the floor, lay down on my bed and began reading them. The more I read, the more my cold feet began to warm up again. I again contacted Br John-Francis (I didn’t tell him all that had transpired, that confession would take several years to come out) and said that if it were possible I still wanted to come to the Vocations Day they were holding in St Martins in the Fields.

He was very welcoming and said that it would be good to eventually met up and for me to come along to the Vocations Day as planned. The ensuing days were ones of hot and cold feet. But the material the brother had left always managed to turn the cold feet hot again. The more I read it over, the more the life of Francis and the Franciscan brothers seemed to resonate with something deep within me. It was a kind of knowing that this was the answer to questions you didn’t even know you were asking. A response to a long felt inner desire or longing. By the time the actual day to attend the Vocations Day I had managed to set aside the feelings that were producing the cold feet and rested more in the inner knowing that this is something I just had to do. To bite the bullet as they say. The day finally arrived and I was eager to attend the session as planned and also to finally meet the brother I had been in contact with.

I finally met Br John-Francis in person at the Vocations Day. He, and other brothers and sisters, welcomed myself and other aspiring young religious (well young in religious life perhaps). During the day it became obvious that previous events had been pointing me in this direction. Here was the opportunity to begin to make the connection of the way in which recent (indeed even distant) events had set the scene for my discovery of a call to religious life within the Society of St Francis. In the next post I will continue with how one particular connection began to change the direction of my life when I continue with A Vocation Journey: meeting St Francis for Again.

St Pauls Anglican Cathedral, London, UK

Are you under 40?
Want to serve those who are poor … to pray … and live in community …
Thought about Religious Life?

Why not try
Exlploring francsican life

In the previous post A Vocation Journey: meeting St Francis I wrote about how my dear friend Wendy had taken me to visit the Chapel of the Holy Cross in Sedona, AZ. I also wrote about how that place felt like a ‘place of presence’ and that I was particularly taken by a small figurine in the garden of a man holding birds in his hands.

As Wendy pointed out in a previous comment neither of us realized the magic that was occurring that day. It wasn’t until I continued my journey to the UK that the ‘next step in a journey of a thousand miles’ would reveal the next kairos moment in my vocation journey.

Prior to leaving Australia my friend Emma and I had become regular worshipers at a local community church. I even began to think about pursuing a vocation to the priesthood once again. I had actually had feelings about some form of ‘ministry’, perhaps as a missionary, since I was a teenager, however, circumstances often resulted in that not being realised. It was an indication that my feelings toward the church had undergone quite a healing process.

When I arrived in London I wanted to continue attending church and began looking around for some place to worship. I was living and working at the Great Ormond St Hospital for Children, not far from Central London. I looked around at a few places but I did not really ‘connect’ with anywhere. I had spent most of my childhood through to early adulthood in the Salvation Army but had moved on from the Army for various reasons, so I did not feel at home there. I stopped into a few non denominational ‘community’ or ‘local’ churches but did not really feel at home their either.

In-between my Salvo days and the community church I attended with my friend Emma I had tried out several mainstream and very on (or over) the edge christian, pagan and cult churches and religions. I think I was beginning to get onto that cycle again. Then I arrived at a place I felt I could connect with.

On a ‘Red Bus’ tour of London one day I stopped to visit St Paul’s Cathedral. Not wanting to pay to see a church I decided to attend one of the services, and then do the tourist thing afterward. The music and the liturgy of the worship really spoke to me in a way that other liturgies had not. The colours of vestments, the singing of the hymns and psalms, the Eucharistic prayers, all of this really got inside me. It had been a long time since I felt ‘at home’ in a church. From that day on St Paul’s was to be my regular (well as regular as one can on shift work) place of worship. I joined the Friends of St Paul’s which got me into the church for free outside of service times and I explored that place literally from top to bottom; from the crypt to the gallery, to the outside of the top of the Cathedral dome. I knew that place inside out.

I had been living in London for less than a year when another dear friend and ‘mother’ came to visit the UK. Indeed it was Julie who had been instrumental in my making the move to work in London. She loved England and had always wanted to visit it. I think some of her encouragement of my trip was part of her longing to see the UK as well. When I heard Julie, her daughter Mel, and some of their friends were coming to London I was stoked. I was missing home a little, but more than that I had the opportunity to show my friends around. I was really glad to see them, for if not for Julie’s constant persuasion I may never had actually made the move to go there.

We didn’t have a lot of time to show them around as they had made plans for a cook’s tour of some of the places Julie had always wanted to go to. While in London it was decided we would do the ‘Red Bus’ tour. I seem to recally not being all that excited about doing the bus tour … been there done that. However, off we went.

The bus did its usual route and we stopped off at St Paul’s. While inside the others were wandering around looking here and there looking at this great piece of church history. Meanwhile, not being overly keen on the idea of the bus trip in the first place I wandered around, almost aimlessly, while they took in the sight and atmosphere for the first time.

Exploring Franciscan Life: vocation pamphlet from St Pauls, London.

Over in the corner near the exit I saw a small unobtrusive table. On it was a pile of green pamphlets that attracted my attention; being a compulsive pamphlet collecter. I quickly viewed the cover noting the questions at the top of the paper:

Are you under 40?
Want to serve those who are poor … to pray … and live in community …
Thought about Religious Life?

Why not try

Exploring Franciscan Life

As I read those questions I could hear myself saying YES!. For some reason there was something about those questions that opened up something inside, it was like through them I had found an answer to a question that had played over and over in my mind throughout most of my life. It is a little hard to explain, however, it is one of those moments where for the briefest of seconds everything in life makes sense.

I was careful not to let the others see I had picked up the pamphlet. I looked around, no they were no where in sight. To be sure they didn’t see me I quickly put it in my pocket and kept wandering around.

Julie and Mel are two of the greatest influences in my life. They have been through great joys and sorrows with me. I don’t know why I didn’t want them to see the pamphlet, they have supported me in all decisions I have made in my life. Though they would not call themselves religious, they have never said a bad word against my beliefs.

I eventually found them and we got back into the bus to continue on the tour. I sat behind them. I wanted to read more of the pamplet I had picked up. Though I was still not keen on letting anyone know I had taken an interest in its contents. I surreptitiously read its contents.

Inside the Franciscan vocation pamphlet (click for larger view)

As I read about St Francis and learned of the life and work of the Anglican Franciscan sisters and brothers that kairos moment of clarity happened again. My curiosity was more than peaked now. I had to know more about who these Franciscans were and what were they all about.

The pamphlet was advertising a vocations day jointly run by Anglican and Roman Catholic Franciscans. A day to hear stories of vocation, find out about their life, have some Biblical reflection, share questions and answers, followed by lunch and an ecumenical liturgy in St Martins-in-the-Field church. I had to know more, there was a website, but how to slip away from the group. I made some feeble excuse and went off to the nearest internet cafe to look up the website of the Franciscan vocation team from Hilfield Friary, Dorset.

As I indicated earlier I knew little of religious communities. A far cry from Salvation Army life, and further still from some of the odd ‘religious’ groups I had encountered on my religious wanderings. I think my only concept of religious life was what I got from television, the only one of which had any real impact was The Nun’s Story, staring Audrey Hepburn as Sr Luke a Nun who is driven to serve the poor through caring for the sick in the Congo. I may have seen other movies, or had other ideas but none that really stuck with me. Though I do recall being intrigued as to whether or not there were male Nuns doing the same. I think the impact of this movie was what fueled my interest in being a missionary when I was in the Salvos, that and the stories of missionaries who would come to our Corps.

I checked out the website of the vocations team and I was more than convinced that I wanted to attend that vocations day. I sent off an email straight away to make contact with a member of the vocations team.

In the next post I want to continue this vocation journey by recounting my first encounter with the Franciscans … A Vocation Journey: meeting Br John-Francis.