St Martins-in-the-Field, London

In the previous post,  A Vocation Journey: meeting Br John-Francis I recalled how I had made contact with Br John-Francis, one of the members of the Society of St Francis’ vocations team. Br John-Francis had invited me to attend a Vocations Day held at St Martins-in-the-Field.

Despite  feelings of ambivalence there was stronger feeling of wanting to know more about Francis and these Franciscans I had begun to learn about. So, on the Saturday morning I headed off to St Martins to join with others who were inquiring about vocations to Franciscan religious life in the Anglican and Catholic Church - the day was jointly hosted by members of both Franciscan communities.

When I arrived I met John-Francis and the other members of the Anglican and Catholic vocations teams. We began, of course, with some time of prayer. Then the brothers and sisters shared with us stories about St Francis and their lives as Franciscans.

As I listened to them share their stories and watched a video about St Francis a particular image jogged my memory. I saw the image of a man with birds surrounding him and my mind immediately went back to my visit to the Chapel of the Holy Cross in Sedona, AZ that my friend Wendy had taken me to. Suddenly shivers went up and down my spine. It was a very eerie feeling. Not long ago I didn’t really know about St Francis or Franciscans and suddenly with a few months I had meet St Francis one two occassions; once in Sedona and now in London.

Figurine of St Francis of Assisi, Sedona, AZ.

During the day we had opportunity to spend some time looking through St Martins. I discovered a bookshop in the lower part of the Church. They had a copy of Celebrating Common Prayer a version of the Society of St Francis’ Office Book. I had come from a Church background which did not use prayer books so I found navigating this one somewhat of a challenge. However, the directions and explanations of the various Offices in the book gave me enough information to be able to learn to navigate and use the book.

At the end of the day we finished with a service of prayer for discernment of vocations. As we were leaving a remember talking to one of the ladies that had come to inquire about being a sister. I’m not sure what happened to her or any of the others, or whether any of them joined the communities they were inquiring into. Indeed as we parted I still was left with feelings of ambivalence; a theme I want to take up in the next post - A Vocation Journey: feelings of ambivalence.

Br John-Francis informed me that he would be coming to London and that he would be happy to drop by and talk to me more about Francis and the Society of St Francis. We made a time and date to meet up. A few days passed between the intial contact with Br John-Francis and the time we were to meet. By this time I developed a severe case of cold feet syndrome. The right thing to do would have been to re contact Br John-Francis and put off the meeting. Instead I did the not so right thing. I went off to the movies so that I would not be home when he arrived. Talk about taking the coward’s way out. Though I guess you make wrong decisions sometimes.

When I got back from the movies I discovered that Br John-Francis had not got the same case of cold feet that I got and had indeed kept our appointment time. He left a few booklets on the life of St Francis and the Society of St Francis. I immediately picked them up off the floor, lay down on my bed and began reading them. The more I read, the more my cold feet began to warm up again. I again contacted Br John-Francis (I didn’t tell him all that had transpired, that confession would take several years to come out) and said that if it were possible I still wanted to come to the Vocations Day they were holding in St Martins in the Fields.

He was very welcoming and said that it would be good to eventually met up and for me to come along to the Vocations Day as planned. The ensuing days were ones of hot and cold feet. But the material the brother had left always managed to turn the cold feet hot again. The more I read it over, the more the life of Francis and the Franciscan brothers seemed to resonate with something deep within me. It was a kind of knowing that this was the answer to questions you didn’t even know you were asking. A response to a long felt inner desire or longing. By the time the actual day to attend the Vocations Day I had managed to set aside the feelings that were producing the cold feet and rested more in the inner knowing that this is something I just had to do. To bite the bullet as they say. The day finally arrived and I was eager to attend the session as planned and also to finally meet the brother I had been in contact with.

I finally met Br John-Francis in person at the Vocations Day. He, and other brothers and sisters, welcomed myself and other aspiring young religious (well young in religious life perhaps). During the day it became obvious that previous events had been pointing me in this direction. Here was the opportunity to begin to make the connection of the way in which recent (indeed even distant) events had set the scene for my discovery of a call to religious life within the Society of St Francis. In the next post I will continue with how one particular connection began to change the direction of my life when I continue with A Vocation Journey: meeting St Francis for Again.